Wednesday, April 11, 2007


i'm feeling restless. i don't know if it's because it's spring, or if it's spring and the weather keeps whispering "winter" in my ear (although it shouted this morning, there was half an inch of snow on my car, and flurried off and on all day. thank goodness the ground is too warm for it to really stick.), or school is going to be out soon (shudder), or what.

nothing satisfies me. not cooking new recipes (or creations of my own, i'm known for doing that), not knitting new, interesting patterns (i'm making the assymmetrical v-neck in toddler size from teva durham's loop d' loop), nor any book i read or listen to.

it doesn't help that i found out last night that the trip to memphis has been cancelled. this was to be my honeymoon. sean went to visit his grandmother this last weekend, and we forgot his meds. i won't say it was an unmitigated disaster, but it didn't go well. as a result, all of a sudden, his grandmother has all sorts of excuses as to why she can't keep the boys for THREE days (we were trying to split the duty between my mother (who is 79) and mark's parents (who are 74 & 79) and her (she will be 65 in june) and her husband (he's 10 years younger than her.)). while i'm sure that neither my mother or mark's folks would mind keeping the boys longer, i don't want to put too much of a burden on either of them because they are a wee bit older.

here's what i don't get. she's been asked to keep all references to her son (the boys' biological father) away while they're there, to include pictures. sean said that there were pictures of him in his bedroom, and it made him nutty, on top of the lack of medication. he did things there he would never do here, medication or not. he got lost at the museum, and didn't follow the drill. he knows what to do if he's lost, and has done so in busier situations (walmart, for god's sake). he also knocked a glass door off its track, lost perfume caps, and scratched a triangle into a desk that meant something to the husband. there was a broken night light, but he swears up and down he didn't do it, the dog did (i can believe it, she's a hyper little thing (she comes along when we meet them to pick them up)). sean hasn't been destructive like that in a very long time. why is it it is only with her? he's fine with me, me & mark, my mom (for goodness sake, she had them for a full 28 hours last week, and nary a problem!), mark's folks, even his sister. sigh. on top of that, she's asked not to have the boys until their birthdays in august. i'm waiting for them to ask when they get to go again. i'm really waiting. when they ask, i'm calling her. she can explain. i don't think it's fair of her to put me in this kind of position. and mark is livid. he feels like it's a direct slap in the face to think (and say!) that no one has gotten through to sean. hello? he's home? and doing marvelously!

here's the scenario i see. i can't go into all of it, but here's what i'm willing to say. she couldn't handle her son at approximately this age. i get the feeling she can't handle sean, and he knows it, and it maddens him. the other thing? while sean may be chronologically 12 1/2, emotionally, and maturity wise? he's maybe 8 or 9. this is a vast improvement over a year ago. then, he was maybe 3 or 4. but he's STILL NOT 12! stop treating him like he is. there is no way in hell i will be leaving him to stay home alone for more than 10 minutes at a time. he'd burn the house down, and not see how he did it. well, maybe not literally, but still. he's not ready. and neither am i. but she sees 12 1/2, and despite all her "sympathy" she still thinks he should be 12 1/2, dammit! sigh.

he's my baby, and the last thing i want to see is him being hurt by someone who purports to love him. then LOVE HIM. warts & ADHD & ODD and all. we do.


fillyjonk said...

I can't offer any advice other than to say there seems to be an outbreak of people doing monumentally clueless things (possibly out of sour-grapes) that cause all kinds of upsets in other people's lives this week. (And also outbreaks of people saying they "can't" do things they already agreed to do)

The whole picture thing...that's not unlike something that's going on in my life right now. I won't say it's making me nutty because I'm able to control my behavior (I'd HOPE so, at 38), but it's making me sad and angry at the person who's doing it.

You have my sympathy, and my understanding that people often behave in maddening ways.

Anonymous said...

I can see where you might be upset at having an issue with your honeymoon, but c'mon: you're the mom and you forgot the meds. It sounds like he really needs the meds, and since he's just a kid (and doesn't act up to his age) who shouldn't have to be responsible yet for remembering stuff like that, you should.

I have kids (and a spouse, and parents and in-laws) who must take meds. When we do anything that might keep us away from home and meds, it's up to me to make sure we have them with us. To my mind, that's just part of the job of being the mom.

It does sound like grandmother just doesn't want to have the kids very often, especially if she can't abide by the "no photo" requests.