Monday, March 19, 2007

you'll love this

Omaha Barbie collection.

Millard Barbie This princess Barbie is only sold at Village Point. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.

Dundee Barbie This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her " Willow ." She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if purchase two Dundee Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.

South Omaha Barbie This Spanish Speaking only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. the optional Ken doll comes with a Meat Packers uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green Cards are not available for Barbie or Ken.

Bennington Barbie This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

North Omaha Barbie This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab in it. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash-preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

Council Bluffs Barbie This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six pack of Coors light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when he's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

West Omaha Barbie This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

Benson Barbie This tobacco chewing, brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gutted Ken out of Council Bluff's Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see through alter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

Regency Barbie This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears undergarments from Borsheims and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at Gorat's. Percocet prescription available.

Florence Barbie This Barbie swears she doesn't live in omaha, and comes with an annual ticket to the Florence City Players, a spot in the Florence Days parade, and a job at the Western Star. Ken is also available with a pick up truck with roll bars, and hunting dog.


Snarled Yarns said...

Ok I'm stealing this one! Who am I? I'm transplanted Barbie- born in the exciting state of New York, this Barbie foolishly joins the military to see the world only to wind up in Nebraska. This Barbie comes with 3 children and a second husband. She makes secret plans on killing him for the insurance money so she can afford to move back to NY and live in comfort.

Judith said...

Wickedly funny!!!!